A New Kind of Marriage Law
by Flapjacks21
Summary: What happens when the Minister of Magic institutes a new international marriage law? Read to find out! Warning: DH Spoilers, hot chicks.
1. Chapter One: The Law

**Warning: DH SPOILERS! Also, lots of hot chicks and sexy stuff. Be prepared!**

**Disclaimer: Belonging to me: Serenity and the law I made up (and no one can have them, not enough my best friend ever, Christyanna). Not belonging to me: Everything else, that belongs to JKR! Well, except for Los Angeles, that belongs to California. I don't think the UK belongs to her, or July either. Nor does August. I don't know who they belong to, though. But, yeah, story time!**

Chapter One: The Law

It was a warm day in July when Minister of Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt decided there was something wrong with the wizarding world of the UK. The problem, he determined, was that many young, supple wizards were not married. Many of them were quite attractive, too. Obviously, there weren't enough young witches in the UK to satisfy these young men's needs.

"So, you see, Minister, that's totally why we need a law arranging marriages," said Kingsley's Vice Minister of Foreign Affairs, Serenity Alexis Jones.

Kingsley looked at her. Serenity was a woman of about twenty-two, with curves in all the right places. She hailed from Los Angeles, and had soft, light blond hair with dark blond streaks. She had eyes that were grassy green, with forest green circles around her pupil and iris. She was leaning on his desk, unafraid of showing off her large, tan chest. She wore tight jeans and an even tighter shirt, and pearl earrings hung from her ears. Her face was heart-shaped with full lips. She smelled of white cherry blossoms.

"Well, miss-"

"Please, minister, call me Serenity," Serenity whispered, leaning closer to the desk.

"Very well, Serenity, I will certainly think over your proposal."

"But, like, minister-"

"You may call me Kingsley, Serenity."

"Okay, Kingsley," she said sexily, "like, the hot, young wizards, they need wives, and they can't find them, like, here! Isn't that, like, an emergency?"

"I see your point, Serenity," Kingsley admitted, "now tell me: how do you like your men?"

"I like my men like how I like my coffee: hot and black," she purred.

The next day, the Law for the Benefit of Young, Unmarried Wizards was declared. It stated that any unmarried wizard under the age of sixty must marry a witch in

another country.

"Can a wizard marry a witch of the UK?" a press person asked.

"Yes, but there will be a lot of paperwork involved," Kingsley answered.

"Minister, what's the penalty of not marrying?" another press person questioned.

"Death."

And so, it was that on the first of August, when the new law came into effect, many young wizards fled the country to find their brides.

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**That's the end of chapter one! Next chapter, we meet our first international witch, in Translyvania!  
Please review, because it keeps me happy:)**


	2. Chapter Two: Europe Part I: Translyvania

**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is totally not mine, but J.K. Rowling's. Anyone saying otherwise is a liar. **

Chapter Two: Europe, Part I: Translyvania

Draco Malfoy was a man of many talents, but he, unfortunately, lacked a wife. It wasn't his fault - all his girlfriends had died for some reason; maybe it was a curse, or

maybe it had to do with his crazy house elf that poisoned females, but whatever it was, it was the reason Draco found himself trampling through the forests of Transylvania.

It was a dark and stormy night when he happened upon a clearing where no grass grew and no animals frolicked. In the center of the clearing stood a girl - no, a

young woman- who was so beautiful Aphrodite herself could not compare.

She had midnight black hair streaked with red that fell to her feet. Around her neck she wore an amulet with a bloodstone in the center. Her scent reminded Draco of a moonlight path. She had curves in all the right places. Her complexion was pale, and her eyes where the same red color as the liquid she was drinking in a clear, plastic glass.

_Blood, _Draco realized, _she's drinking blood._

Suddenly, her vermilion eyes caught his stormy grey ones and Draco found himself unable to move. She looked him over and he suddenly felt very inadequate.

"Who are you, who dares to impede upon the Valentina Ebony Darkness, daughter of Boris Isanov Darkness II, infamous vampire and Feral Dark Moon, well-known werewolf of the Darkforest-Moon clan?" the beautiful girl asked of him.

"I am Draco Octavius Malfoy, son of Lucius Caesar Malfoy, Death Eater, and Narcissa Virgo Black Malfoy, a powerful witch," Draco told her.

"Draco… what a fine name," Valentina said, tilting her head to the left, "why are you here, mister Draco Octavius Malfoy?"

"To seek a wife, as required of me by a new law-"

"I know of the law!" Valentina declared suddenly, "I am impotent!"

"Oh, I am sorry," said Draco.

"Do not worry, young boy, so few know the true power of people like me, crosses between a Werewolf and a Vampire, or, as we are properly called, Werepires."

"Werepires?" Draco said, "why not Vampwolves?"

"I prefer Werepires," Valentina sneered.

Suddenly, Valentina smirked sexily.

"So, tell me, Draco," she said smirkingly while drawing out the 'r' sound, "how do you plan to find a wife in Transylvania?"

"I don't have a clue," admitted Draco, "do you have any ideas?"

"I have an idea," Valentina purred, "why don't I be your wife. I suck things other than blood, you know."

"Okay," said Draco, "let's get married."

"We shall call our first child Scorpius," said Valentina, "I've always liked that name."

"Okay," agreed Draco, and so it was.

**Wasn't this a great chapter? Christyanna, I know u think otherwise, but u suck. U hate my chars so much… what's wrong w/ Serenity n Valentina n the others? BTW, what kind of char name is Hannah Bobana? Ur charries suck so much!! Ur not my bestest friend anymore, Savannah is! Also, Valentina "suck other than blood" line is referencing LOLLIPOPS, not the yucky thing u thot of! Ur such a pervert, u sick-minded freak! **

**Oh, n isn't my vocab so good?! I added a cool vocab word in this chapter, impotent! It means all-knowing! Every1, plz review!! Thanx so much!! **


	3. Chapter Three: Europe Part II: Italy

Disclaimer: I don't own Italy, silly! Nor do I own Harry Potter or anything affiliated (fancy word, ne?) with it.

**Chapter Three: Europe, Part II: **_**Roma, Italia**_

Blaise Zabini roamed the streets of Rome as he looked for his new bride.

It was in a _piazza _that he found her, as beautiful as a statue carved by Michelangelo.

She had brown hair that was tied up in a bun, yet still fell to her ankles. Unlike most Italians, she had blue eyes. The girl was tan and had the most perfect fingernails. She had curved in all the right places and carried a scent of sensual amber. She was dressed in Ralph Lauren clothing and carried a Gucci bag, her Russell Terrier on a leash in front of her.

"_Senorita bella_, what is your name?" Blaise cried out, running towards her.

"_Mi chiami _Allegra Azzura Annoiso," rasped the beautiful girl.

"Really? I love Allegra, it helps me so much with my nasal allergies!" shouted Blaise.

"Me _anche! _I love taking medicine that shares it name with me!_" _Allegra sighed.

"Hey, let's have some great Italian food at a local restaurant, Allegra."

"Okay," she agreed.

So Blaise and Allegra strolled through Rome, encountering many pizza places with fat chefs with thick mustaches and violinists that played songs for young lovers. They finally settled on _La Pizza della mia Madre_, because it's chef had the biggest nose.

"That is a very good way to figure out if he will bake good pizza," Allegra said, "because a bigger nose means he can smell better."

So they sat and talked.

"Tell me about yourself, Allegra," said Blaise during their meal, but not with food in his mouth since that's yucky and gross.

"Well, I was born at the vernal equinox - March 21st- the first of my family's eleven daughters."

"Wow!" said Blaise, "that's a lot of siblings."

"I have ten brothers," continued Allegra, "Haldol, Flonase, Cialis, Ambien, Ritalin, Ativan, Vicodin, Prozac, Insulin, and Mevacor. I also have ten sisters, Ziprexa, Lunesta, Viagra, Zoloft, Lipitor, Botox, Concerta, Provera, Singulair, and Morfine."

"What beautiful names your family has!" exclaimed Blaise.

"I know, and they all take medications that are the same as their names," said Allegra, "well, except Viagra and Botox. They both take Xanax instead. Oh, and Morfine and Vicodin are addicted to their respective drugs, but we just pretend they have chronic pain. Anyway, that's not important. My mother is half-veela, and my father is Regulus Black, who's really alive and changed his name when came to _Italia_."

"Oh, that's why you have blue eyes!" exclaimed Blaise.

"You are so smart," smiled Allegra, "like me! I got 21 OWLS and 21 NEWTS after completing the coursework of my school, _L'Academia per le Sterge, _in only four years."

"Wow, you are smart," said Blaise, "but how did you get so many OWLS and NEWTS?"

"Oh, they just gave me extras. You should probably tell me about you, now."

"Well, you family is so much better than mine," Blaise said, jealously, "my mom has no time for me and my birth dad is dead, he was sucked into a swirling vortex. My second dad died mysteriously in a broomstick accident, my third dad was cool, but he died when he somehow caught on fire while puking on some thorny bushes outside during a party, my fourth dad sucked but then he got offed, my fifth dad died from a hiccupping solution overdose, and my sixth dad is my current one, he's okay, but he'll probably die soon. Anyway, what's your mom's name?"

"I don't know, she has yet to tell me," Allgera sobbed.

"Oh, that sucks so much," said Blaise with honesty.

"My Russell Terrier, Celexa, helps me through the long, dark nights. So does Alcohol, my pet fish."

"I want to help you through the long, dark nights, Allegra! I want you to be my bride!"

"Okay," agreed Allegra, "but first, tell me: are you black or just really tan?"

"I'll tell you," said Blaise, and they lived happily ever after.

**WOW! Another whole chapter complete! Sry 4 taking soooooooo long!!!! I was vry buzy!! But the next chappie will be up supa soon! Plz review!!!!!!! Thx!**


	4. Chapter Four: N America Part I: Canada

**Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all that stuff is SOOOO not mine! It's JKR's! **

Chapter 4: North America, Part I: Canada

The first thing Oliver Wood noticed about the city of Toronto was that it was very clean. The second thing he noticed about it was that it contained a very hot girl.

She smelled of warm vanilla sugar. She had long, chocolate brown hair with natural blond highlights and eyes that matched the summer sky. Her lips formed the most perfect pout, and her sun-kissed skin with flawless, covering a body with curves in all the right places.

He wondered if she played Quidditch.

"I do every position," she told him, and Oliver found himself very excited.

"What's your name?" he asked her.

"Avril Maple Canuck," she told him, "I'm a native Canadian, eh."

"You're the prettiest Canadian I've ever seen," Oliver gushed.

"Thank you kindly, sir," Avril blushed, "would you like some of my maple syrup?"

"I'm sure it tastes great," Oliver said, "let's go have some."

So they traveled to Avril's home, which was in the wilds of Canada. Her house was a log cabin, made of Canadian logs. Avril introduced Oliver to her moose familiar, Bullwinkle, and they sat down at her table for some flapjacks.

"This is the best maple syrup, eh," Avril said, pouring some of her homemade maple syrup all over Oliver's flapjacks.

"I agree," Oliver said, but then they were interrupted by Dolores Umbridge.

"Finally I've found you, my pretty!" the evil woman shouted, "and your little Englishman, too!"

"You'll never defeat me, Umbridge!" Avril said, and she began to sing:

_Bad woman, go away, _

_Come back NEVER AGAIN!_

And with that, Umbridge went away, never to come back again.

"Wow! That's amazing," Oliver exclaimed.

"My singing voice can make people go away," Avril explained.

"Really?" Oliver asked.

"Yeah, really," Avril said, "and I'm the great-granddaughter of Albus Dumbledore, eh. Despite liking men, he managed to have my grandmother via a magical spell called _Mpregitus_."

"Wow," Oliver said, "will you marry me, Avril?"

"Of course of I will, eh," she said.

----

**End of Chappie 4! Originally, I had Voldemort instead of Umbridge, but then Savannah pointed out that Voldie's dead, so I used Umbridge instead, b/c she reminds me SOOOOOOOO much of Ms. Smith, my evil science teacher. See, Christyana? That's how u give CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! That's why she's my bff now, instead of u!**

**Anyway, please review! I love reviews! 3 I so much luv the reviews I have now, but Id like some moar plz!!!!!**


	5. Chapter Five: North America Part II: NYC

**Disclaimer: **Nothing belongs to me except for my OCs.

Chapter 5: North America, Part II: New York City

Theodore Nott had never been to New York City before. Now he was walking down sixth avenue, looking for a wife.

New York City had been the obvious choice for Theodore. His Aunt Helena lived on the East Side of Manhattan, so Theodore had made his way to her. Unfortunately, when he told his Aunt Helena about the new marriage law, his aunt had died laughing.

Oh well. There were worse ways to die. Like falling off a ten story balcony into a patch of thorny bushes while on fire. It had happened to his mother. He had witnessed it, which was he could see Threstals. But that doesn't really matter.

Anyway, he saw her.

She was wearing low-rise jeans and an "I 3 NY" tank top. Her hair was ebony streaked with violet, and it fell to her waist. Her eyes shined the color of amethyst, and her face was oval shaped. She gave off a scent of irresistible apple. She wore some really sexy heels.

So, Theodore stalked her up to her apartment.

When she arrived at her apartment - number 309, third floor - he decided to announce himself.

"Hey," he said.

She turned around, and with a yelp, held up her wand.

"Yo, I'm a witch," she said in her thick New York accent.

"I know you are, because only a witch could be so beautiful," he purred, and the girl seemed to melt at his words.

"Let's go inside, gangsta," the girl murmured, "by the way, my name is Brooklyn Bronx Manhattan Staten Queens, because I rule all five boroughs."

So Brooklyn led Theodore into her apartment, and it was very spacious. It had three bedrooms, a living room, a kitchen, two bathrooms, a dining room, and a porch.

"It's so big 'cause I'm a witch," Brooklyn explained, "also I'm the rudest biotch ever, because I'm a New Yorker."

"You're so hot, Brooklyn," Theodore said, and then they made out on the couch.

After an hour, Theodore's stomach began to grumble.

"I'm hungry," he said, "let's get some New York-style pizza."

"Yo, okay," agreed Brooklyn.

That's when Theodore noticed something.

"Hey, there's a pigeon in your apartment!" Theodore shouted, surprised.

"Oh, that's Mikey. He's my pigeon familiar. He can poop on anyone's head and it will set on fire," explained Brooklyn.

"How neat," Theodore said, "will you marry me?"

"Okay," agreed Brooklyn, "why the hell not?"

-----+&$!+++++!!+!11120+

**End of chap. 5! Isn't Brooklyn cool? She's soooooo much better than Christyana and her ugly bf, Ravyn. That's right, Christyana! I said Ravyn is ugly! He is fat and he has acne! Also, his hair is greasy and his nose is too big! **

**Anyway, review, and I will smile!!**


	6. Chapter Six: Nor America Part III: Texas

**Disclaimer: **Y do u still think I own this???? It is JKR's!!!!

**Chapter Six:** North America, Part III: Texas

Texas, Seamus Finnegan decided, was a very cool place to be.

He'd watched a real Texas rodeo, eaten at a real Texan barbeque, spent sometime in a real Texan desert, and even bought some real Texan cowboy boots. Still, he missed Ireland and the rest of the U.K., and figured he better find a wife pretty soon.

So he found himself in Austin. It was then that he found a hot chick.

She smelled of magnolia blossoms, and had the cutest cowboy boots ever, with stars and hearts on them, and a pair of sexy cutoffs. Her shirt displayed both her midriff and her 44E chest. Her neck was long, and her face contained big, full lips topped with dark red lipstick. Her eyes where the same green as the ocean, big and expressive, and her blonde hair cascaded down her back in waves. All this was topped with a suede cowboy hat.

"What's your name?" Seamus asked in his super-cute Irish accent.

"Mah name's Magnolia Dallas Johnson," she said in a southern drawl.

"Why do you have such nice assets?" he asked her.

"Well, everything's bigger in Texas!" Magnolia said.

"Oh," said Seamus.

There was a pause. Magnolia looked thoughtful.

"Why don't you come home with me, Irish boy," Magnolia said, "I've got something to show yah."

So Seamus followed Magnolia to her fancy Southern home, built of adobe and located in the desert. The home itself had a garden of cactuses sitting out front. Her Arabian horse, Minnie, stood out front. Inside, the home was filled with the warm colors native to the South, tastefully decorated. Magnolia led him into a door he hadn't noticed before - it occurred to him it might be due to magic - and Seamus found himself in a room of the blaring reds of Las Vegas and the seventies. At the center was a stage, and in the middle of the stage was a long pole.

"I want to show yah mah pole dancing routine," Magnolia said, and promptly walked over to the pole and began dancing.

Her legs crossed over the pole several times as she twirled about. She crawled sexily across the floor, then got up again and twirled around really close to the pole, her hands reaching to the top as she moved her body about the pole. It was, all in all, very hot and sexy.

"Wow," breathed Seamus, "you're so very hot and sexy."

"I know," Magnolia said in a sexy voice, "and, best of all, I'm wearing American Flag underwear."

And so Seamus Finnegan found his bride in Texas.

-----!

**Well, that's chapter six! Isn't Magnolia soooooo sexy? Thanx 2 Savannah for coming up with this super sexy chapter idea! See, Christyana, Savannah comes up with stuff that's hot and sexy, not gross and weird. That's why she's my BESTEST FRIEND EVER.**

**O, n there's a supa hot boi in my English class!!!! I don't know his name, but he looks like Draco Malfoy!!!!! Squeeeeeeeeeee!**

**Please review! **


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